I have had a bad week and are extremely thankful it is over! I lost the plot at work on Wednesday and ended up in a meeting room crying I was so upset. And what made it worse was that the situation that set me off was so minor and actually ment as a joke and I know it was a joke but it was just the item that pushed me over the edge.

To make matters worse, I got more upset that I was upset over nothing and that I had yelled as another staff member when they really didn't deserve it.

I very rarely swear or yell but I did both this week and both of them were at the same person who certainly didn't deserve it. I am however thankful that he was able to recognise that this was bigger then what had happened and he was very sweet when I apologised.

The one good thing is that I had my end of financial year performance review and I got the grade I wanted, an improvement on last year, where I got "successful" this time I moved up to
Exellent as an overall grading which means a) I get my full performance payment, b) I get a pay increase and c) the pay increase is a little bit more then if I got a successful

Results and the newest bestest flavour of chippies

Ok I finally got the results back from the tumour they removed from my tongue. It is beneign which is a huge relief. My tongue has still not healed 100% and still actually has a hole where the tumour was removed. It looks funny to look at because they basically removed quite a bit of one side of my tongue and then just pulled it together. The surgeon gave me the option of getting another stitch to speed up the healing of the hole but I decided against it given I can't have the disolvable stitches and the silk stitches really irritated my tongue and it swelled up so much that I couldn't actually talk. Now while this may seem not to big a deal I work in a job where I actually need to talk to my staff and customers daily.

Now on to even more important news. New Zealand has just produced the bestest flavour of chippies ever! Now before I tell you all about this awesome new flavour I need to tell you about a bit of new zealand childhood (and well lets face alot of adults still do this too)

Now like most kiddies in New Zealand, my mum made sandwiches for schoool made of marmite sometimes she put cheese in with the marmite and some times lettuce but alot of the time it was just plain marmite. Now marmite is a brown yeast extract that kiwi's and aussies (they use vegemite but its virutually the same) spread on their bread and toast. It is a savoury spread and its really yummy.

Now on the rare, extremely rare, occasion we were given some chippies (crisps/chips) in our lunches, we would carefully open our marmite or vegemite sandwiches and carefully place the lovely crunchey chippies on top of the marmite to make a marmite, cheese and chippie sandwich.

This was the best taasting sammie (kiwi for sandwich) ever invested in ou primary school. It would even beat out the kid whose mum made them ham sandwiches.

Of course there was the odd mother who screwed up completely by putting the chippies in the sandwich at home. This was a major disaster for the poor kid who had to eat them because the chippies would be all soggy and pretty gross.

There are still adults who make chippie sammies and I must admit they still tasate damn good. Now you must be wondering why on earth I have told you all about this childhood pleasure of marmite and chippie sammies. Well its simple .. The nations chip - Blue bird cheesymite chippies

Now unfortunately if you don't live in New Zealand you won't be able to try these totally delicious chippies but if you are a yank you probably wouldn't like them anyway.

A quick update

The stitches came out Wednesday and I was supposed to get the results from the pathologist but they have come back inconclusive which is a shitty way of saying.. someone f**ked up or you might have cancer. So now we wait while they retest. The surgeon says I shouldn't worry but its pretty much impossible not to.

Hopefully I will find out quickly what the story is because quite frankly its the waiting that is the worst part.

Oral Surgeon Visit

I finally saw the oral surgeon yesteraday after putting it off for several weeks. I was truely expecting him to say that I had a traumatic ulcer and then give me a cream to help it heal. Instead I am sitting at home with 4 stitches in my mouth after he removed the tumour so now we wait to see whether it malignant or not - Hopefully Not!!

It was an interesting day to say the least. I had the shakes after the surgery and couldn't even text a friend to come and pick me up and then less then an hour after getting home, my tongue started bleeding profusely and I had to go back. The stitches that should have lasted at least 4 days before disolving had disolved. So more anesethic later I now have silk (very painful) stitches in my tongue holding it together and it is badly swollen so much so that I can't actually eat. I am able to drink but only through a straw. The catch 22 I am in, is the pills that will help reduce swelling and are the most effective pain killers can only be taken with food. The less effective painkiller which is a fluid I can take now but it really only takes a little of the edge of the pain.

And of course the other thing I can't do right now is talk! Which would not normally stop anyone from working unless you are in a job where you are on the phone all day. Should make for an interesting day tomorrow when I get back to work!

An update

I have been back home for a day after spending four days in christchurch, well actually it was really only two because two days were travelling. The trip was really a bit of a disaster with all ferries and flights being cancelled on the day I was supposed to leave due to the storm with 160km winds and 14 meter waves across the cook strait (the body of water between the north and south islands of New Zealand



So after spending a day at home freezing cold because the wind had blown down our power pole and fence and a few other things were flying around. I then dutifully conned a friend into picking me up at 6am the next day to go back down to the ferry where we were informed the ferry was sailing but it was delayed. Now my idea of delayed and the interislander's idea of delay are obviously two very different things. My idea is maybe half an hour to an hour - the ferry I was on left at 11.30am because we had to wait for the Aratere, a freight ferry, to berth then unload and unbearth at picton where there is only berthing for one ferry at a time.



So we were on the Ferry for more then 8 hours insted of the normal 3 hours. The trip itself wasn't too rough for the most part although there were 20 minutes where we were not allowed on deck because the waves were crashing over.



I ended up paying to go into the "Kaitaki Plus" lounge which on this occasion was a godsend. The Kaitaki plus lounge offers comfortable seating, free internet, free drinks including alcohol and free food But perhaps the most important thing that the Kaitaki plus offers is that there are aboslutely no teenagers or kids allowed!!!!



So anyway we finally made it to Picton however we missed the tranzcoastal to christchurch but tranzscenic put on a coach for us to get there and my cousins very kindly picked me up from cathedral square.



The next day was the funeral and all in all a busy sad day although it was nice seeing and catching up with family and friends who I haven't seen in years. We all went back to my cousins home and enjoyed a few quiet ones along with a bbq and reminiscing the past.



Second day in christchurch was spent with my aunty and my cousins again and dropping numerous people off at the airport and the final day was an early start catching the tranzcoastal back to picton.

Update...

Well the drs were right my uncle did not see out this year and passed away this morning. My aunty said it was the most peaceful she had seen him in years and he was ready to go. I am sad that I didn't get to see him before he passed. I had managed to organise a trip down to see him this weekend but now I will be going down for his funeral.

I am really not looking forward to the 10 hours worth of travel to get there. I couldn't find a cheap flight and the next cheapest I could find was over $200 one way so I am going down by ferry and then train.

I normally enjoy the ferry ride but with the weather at the moment crossing the cook straight could and probably will be treacherous.

Just when you think it can't get any worse....

IT DOES. So my life at the moment is full of stress as I watch many of my "family" and friends get diagnosed with cancer and start chemo. By family I mean both my real blood relatives and those who I lived with in the foster home.

So to date, I have a sister who is undergoing chemotherapy for cervical cancer, my 7 year old neice went to see an ear specialist on monday and started chemotherapy for Leukaemia on Tuesday (yes literally one day later) My uncle had chemo last week for his bowel and liver cancer which they have said they are 90% sure is terminal and he won't see out 2009. My father is waiting to hear if he has cancer and my team member is undergoing chemotherapy for pancreatic cancer. Oh and according to my dentist and the oral surgeon I might have a cancerous thing on my tongue.

It is WAYYYYY too much for one person to deal with this!!!